Ramblings...

The Missing Key...

January 9th 2013

Today was one of those days where I was made drastically aware that having not one but two special needs kids takes extra doses of patience. 

Turner is 9.  He has Asperger Syndrome  He is a joy, a pure delight and also challenging.   He dances to his own drummer.  He has no sense of urgency in anything he does.  Passing time just does not stress him out.  He goes slowly and takes forever to do most things.  

It can literally take me an hour to get him showered, dressed, fed and out the door WITH his coat and backpack!  

So unlike his 8 yr old brother Trevan.  For all that Turner lacks he makes up for.  He is super responsible, can shower, make his own breakfast, dress himself, pack his snack and he also does all of this for Turner.  He gets Turner his shoes, matches his clothing for him, makes sure he has a coat AND his backpack. 

He has been taking care of his older brother since he could speak.  It is so heartwarming yet a bit sad at the same time.  He feels such a sense of responsibility for him.  I wish he could just relax more and leave these details to me - the MOM.

We have had to resort to locking our pantry as our oldest age 22 who has a brain injury and a compusive disorder will eat and eat and eat out of boredom.  We were going through food at an alarming rate.  Now the problem is where to hide the key.  He will see me get the key or hide it.  Then he sneaks into the pantry!  

This morning I could not find the darn key anywhere!  I looked in every hiding spot I had used.  Then here comes Trevan.  He goes to a jar in the kitchen and pulls out the key.  "I remembered for you Mom!" he exclaims.  Oh, you sweet boy.  Living with two special needs brothers is hard on him too...

So, I guess I am not the only one who has to dose up extra patience - so does the "baby" in the family.  I have to remember how hard it is to be a little kid...especially in OUR home.  <3    

January 7th 2013

"Some days are just Vanilla and some are Chocolate..." 

{Turner age 9}

 I like my "Vanilla Days" best.  I use to long for the rainbow sherbert kind but now I am happy for just plain "Vanilla".  

You see, for many years I have had some VERY "Rocky Road" kind of days.

It has almost been 5 years to the day that my oldest son, Taylor suffered a brain injury in a skateboarding accident.  He was not wearing a helmet and crashed hitting his head on a man hole grate while going very fast downhill.

His skateboard flew so far that when a passer by found him bleeding in the street I was called and told that "my son had been hit by a car"...   

At that time I had 2 sons that were not home a 12 yr old and 

a 17 yr old.  I had no idea which son they were talking about.  

In a mad panic I shuttled my 2 little ones to the next door neighbors and called my friend up the street.  She drove me to the location - and I ended up there without shoes.  Not a huge deal as we lived in CA, but needed shoes to make a trip to the hospital.  When I arrived and saw that it was my oldest son and his girlfriend at that time came rushing up to me - I asked her for her shoes so I could get into the ambulance.  I made call after call in the ambulance as my son laid lifeless in the back.  

Our "Chocolate" Days turned quickly to "Rocky Road" Days.  In the days and months that passed we faced more challenges than I could have ever dreamed.  Things that text books can never prepare you for.  We have been through years of drug addiction, alcohol addiction, 14 hospitalizations, numerous arrests, re-hab facilities, jail and are now left with a mentally impaired son.  

To say that we have lived through hell would be an understatement.  Right now I am happy to report that Taylor has been "drug free" for a year.  We have had our struggles with him stealing or getting a hold of alcohol and have had to have him hospitalized 2 times since moving to the midwest.  I cherish the "Vanilla Days".  He lacks impulse control.  The part of the brain that controls that was injured the most severe.  He has memory loss and does not have an understanding of passing time or time that has passed.  One hour may seem like 5 or 5 minutes may seem like an hour.

Living with someone who has limited understanding of how the "real world" works proves to be frustrating day in and day out.  He is compulsive, hyper-active and paces most of the time.  He is addicted to smoking cigarettes and will go through a pack in less than half a day.  

 He becomes obsessive over things and can literally drive me crazy but I love him no less that before his accident.  He is not a big fan of medication but understands that he needs to take it.  We have him now on injections along with 3 pills that I have to coax him into taking.  Some days he has periods where he laughs hysterically many times through out the day.  I learn to just ignore it.

He constantly questions me as to what I am doing and why.  He has an opinion of how I am doing things and constantly speaks his mind as to how his way would be much better.  Sometimes I try to explain to him and reason with him to no avail.  He just does not have the mentality to comprehend.  I pray for patience again and again.

It wears on all of us.  Our "Vanilla Days" are soon dripped with "Chocolate Syrup and Hard Magic Shell"  sometimes there are lots of nuts and bananas and cherries.  I just pray that tomorrow will be much more "Vanilla".     

My little boys now speak in code.  We have "our way" of communicating without raising suspicions from Taylor.  They may ask if I had a "Vanilla or Chocolate" kind of day when they get home from school.  I think it is a barometer in which to gauge what kind of a night we may all be in for.  

Today was kinda "Strawberry" I told them.  Puzzled they both looked at me and one said "Hummmm, well...I really love Strawberry so I guess that is good!"

We'll just leave it at that!

Here's to a "Vanilla Day" tomorrow ...

XOXO
Janean 

 

From time to time it just feels good to "ramble on".

I am a mom of 4 boys, ages 22, 17, 9 and 8.

I live with a husband who will turn the big 5-0 next month.

Living in a home with all males can prove to be a bit challenging every now and then.  Well, actually I am lying.  It is very challenging EVERY day.  I am convinced now that:

Men really are from Mars.

I feel at times like I am in the Twilight Zone.

 {well most of the time I actually am}   

I cherish the times I am able to get away with my female counterparts more than you can imagine.

Subjects discussed in this home are things like Skylander Giants, Drag Racing, VW MK1 Hatchbacks, why we are out of MILK again, what food will be prepared for dinner, the weather, who will be coaching the CHIEFS this next year, who has programmed what on the DVR...etc.

Getting out and having time to shop, eat and just discuss the more relevant things in life like:  what new Thrift Stores have just been discovered in town, what Hobby Lobby has this week for 50% off, what stores have the BEST home decor items, what new Movies are out in the Theaters and easy delicious recipes have been tried - are my saving GRACE!  

I do not get out all that much so you may see me "ramble on" here.

I can "air" my rants, share moments and write till my fingers hurt and no one has to hear a word.

Here you will learn about what makes ME - "ME". 

People can choose to read - or not!

So with that said -- welcome to "My Ramblings..."

XOXO
Janean